A SERIOUS JOB IS NO EXCUSE

"Dreams are for poor people."

2010-10-13T18:01:00.013-04:00

That was my friend Andrew's response when I told him in August I'd decided to leave my position at ELLE and move back to DC.

Before you assume this, my final entry, is some kind of sanctimonious, "I've seen the light, and let me tell you" post-mortem of my 21 months working on the real-life set of that Meryl Streep movie, I promise you it's not....entirely.

But I did leave. After all I did to get there -- this blog, that show, those hours -- I ultimately decided to walk away. Because I won't trash specific people (publicly), it's not the juiciest story, but it may be revelatory for some, and it is one I want to share.

First, the positive stuff. My job at ELLE during the first year, as a junior editor, consisted of 2-3 month learn-the-ropes rotations with the fashion, fashion news, beauty, and features departments. On my first day, I was brought into the big corner office, asked what I enjoyed, what I thought I was good at, and where I saw myself "fitting in" at the magazine. Instead of being pooled with the interns, I was given every editorial first chance I wanted. And in that first year, I wanted.

Not knowing the proper protocol -- and only having held one previous job at an office where the director prided himself on running "a completely flat organization"-- I took my legal pad of ideas and walked into the offices of the editors who I thought were the right people for the pitch. Often, the right people, in my mind, were very senior people.

You see where this is going?

To my face, they were gracious. If they liked an idea they said so; if they didn't, they said so. I found it all very easy. Nothing like the stereotype.

The second year, Her Smizeness stopped paying my rent, but I was asked to stay on in relatively the same capacity. The only change was titular: I was now a contributing editor.

With the dumpster state of the economy, I knew how lucky I was to keep my tiny plot in that Broadway office. As one editor said to me in the elevator a couple of days after I'd gotten the offer: "Heard you got hired hired. Right now, that's like getting into Yale -- except harder."

This not-quite congratulations was followed by an eyebrow raise that communicated the one line from that one movie that by the end of my time at ELLE had replaced "This is all I'm capable of right now" as my least favorite eight-word movie line of all-time.

You know the one: "A million girls would kill for this job."

And judging from the hordes of unpaid interns logging full-time weeks every week, I knew it was true. We all did. It was like a storm cloud, always hovering above the rank and file, keeping us from dwelling on the ridiculously low pay, unforgiving schedule, and venomous middle-school antics.

Not that the work itself wasn't a major source of happiness.

Pretty much any idea I came up with, whether it had to do with fashion, film, books, pop culture, or the straight-up bizarre (to wit: a Q&A with The Human Centipede's director, Tom Six), I was given the green light to pursue, write, self-edit, and slap ELLE's slim Gothic font above it.

The hours were breakneck, but I was having fun for a living -- and becoming a better writer.

At the end of this summer, just under two years invested, I came to a hard realization: Regardless of how much I loved my work (and most of the people I worked with), my overall quality of life had deteriorated.

When you're 22, work is all about passion. Money is irrelevant -- more than that, it's vulgar. Be creatively fulfilled or bust! When you're 29 turning 30, however, living in Manhattan on a fashion magazine writer's salary goes from romantic to irresponsible to untenable pretty quickly.

The same goes for inter-office bitchery.

When you're new and unformed, there's a good chance you deserve to be spoken to in that tone about that mistake by that very senior person. That's how you learn and earn your thicker skin. Once you've been at the game for a while and you begin to recognize that the tone is never pleasant, the mistake wasn't yours, and that that senior person seems to spend most of their time undermining others, screaming at other people's children, and reminding the junior staff they're not allowed to sit in meetings when there are more than enough empty chairs, well, at that point, you have to make a decision.

So I did.

I love ELLE. I love the magazine, and I love that I had the chance to contribute to its history in a small way. It was there I learned how to report, edit, and find my voice as a journalist. It was there that I got my first byline, conducted my first real interview, and got my hands on copies of Milan Kundera's "Encounter" AND the Baby-sitters Club prequel four months in advance.

And, hello, I got to meet Carol Burnett and Amber Rose. At the same time. In a Beverly Hills bathroom.

So, for all the crying I did on my office floor, for all the shredded-cheese-on-Saltines pity dinners I endured, and for all the "Get me something cuntier!" directives I had to obey, there's nothing I would have done differently.

But it is mighty nice to be back in Washington.

Same girl, new job.

2009-02-14T01:10:00.008-05:00

(blowing off the dust)

Please come visit me at my glossy new homebase in the blogosphere. Or, on my Twitter account, which I've recently started updating with annoying frequency.

What I've lost in the right to self-edit, I've gained in access to...well, you'll have to click on over to find out, now won't you?

Happy Romance Day,
Johanna

Thank you.

2008-02-29T07:26:00.010-05:00

A serious job is no excuse.

When I chose that name for this blog almost 15 months ago, I hadn't the slightest idea just how meaningful a mantra it would become for so many women.

Or for myself.

I started ASJiNE for two primary reasons, the first of which was to raise awareness among women, most notably those in the overachieving professional crowd, that placing daily priority on putting together a smart, figure flattering, venue appropriate look was a critical component in achieving their professional goals.

Not more critical than the graduate degree, not as critical as the gets-along-with-the-guys quick wit, but still, critical.

The second reason was a selfish one - to build up a body of writing in an area in which I had enormous passion but absolutely no rightful claim, no pedigree, no legitimacy; my writing here would serve as my entry into an industry everyone in my life knows is the one in which I was meant to make my most meaningful professional mark.

Over the past few weeks, I've grown increasingly sure that my value-added on the first front has run its course. As I wrote in a recent post, I can only write so many scathing reviews of block heels, French manicures (and pedicures) and be-tanktopped chunky upper-arms before my "shtick" becomes predictable and my persuasiveness loses its punch.

And on the second front, well, there are some big changes a comin' in your Editrix's life, and these are changes that will require a good deal more of her time than her current blogging schedule allows.

So this is a bit awkward and more than a bit unexpected, but I think today, a day we see only once every four years, is the perfect time for me to cap the lip balm on this venture and bid all of you adieu.

Thank you to everyone who read, commented, e-mailed, and especially to those whose public personal attacks taught me the difference between hateful words that matter and hateful words best used for e-mail fodder among girlfriends.

I'll miss this. I really will.

best,
Johanna

p.s. one more thing, the consignment event will definitely still move forward but under the sole guidance of the lovely Maria -- please check out her blog, Righteous (re)Style, for any and all updates pertaining thereto.

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-28T20:39:00.000-05:00

Silk chiffon jeweled blouse by Castle Starr
$400 at basicboutique.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-28T20:35:00.001-05:00

Button back bib-front blouse by Asos
£25 at asos.com

Eye candy of the week

2008-02-28T08:43:00.002-05:00

Kudos to Brooke for finally sitting me down and showing me this new clip for next month's premiere of "The Hills". Just like my love for Audrina's love for Justin Bobby, Monday nights at C's cozy AdMo abode will live once again!

How would I rock a pair of dramatic dress trousers at a black-tie event? You're lookin' at my answer right here. Minus the "Brian [Austin Green]" tattoo, of course.
To borrow a term from the ladies over at GFY, this ravishing redhead (Teen Vogue's Accessories Director, Taylor Tomasi Hill) at the Tuileries yesterday creates the ultimate in 'lady cum tramp' scroll-down chic. Holy legs, Batman!

I've always liked men's watches far more than women's, but this one -'The Motif'- from longtime favorite line Nixon, is making me reconsider that preference. So very pretty, no?

We all fawned over Penelope's feather-bedecked Chanel Haute Couture gown on the red carpet, but how many got to see the second dress in which she stepped out for the many Oscar after parties? Penny's always been a favorite of mine, because she's one of the few beauties who can pull off the smolder and the cute with a quick dress change and hair tousle.

Before the unfortunate bang chop. Sorry, but that's all I can think about here. That and how HRL would snap this black and gold banded skirt up in less than a New York minute and then, in all honesty, ask me, "Really, you think it's '80s?"

I just want to see these new ruffled Prada runway pumps in person. Just to touch. Okay, maybe to wear, too, but only to work.

I can finally die happy knowing a benevolent soul and not some horrid socialite earned the honor of wearing the $14,500 Proenza Schouler cocktail dress. You say serving food to the hungry, I say serving Vogue to the fashion hungry. It's all charity in God's eyes.

I get in this same exact 'J' position after crunches and before prison push-ups, but aside from the sultry look and feelin'-for-progress hand placement, the similarities end there. Oh Katie Moss, no matter how old or drugged up you get, you'll always be the most glamorous chick in the coop.

Right down the street!

2008-02-27T23:00:00.003-05:00

Yours, my and everyone else's favorite fashion photog, Scott Schuman, will soon show his super successful 'Sartorialist' exhibit two blocks from where I'm currently sitting (!) at the Adamson Galleries, located at 1515 14th St., NW.

According to his own announcement, a selection of street-style prints will be on display in the Logan Circle space from 15 March through 26 April.

I'll keep you posted on any further developments...

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-27T20:56:00.001-05:00

Silk houndstooth 'cascade' skirt by L.A.M.B.
$225 at saks.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-27T20:52:00.002-05:00

High-waisted silk pencil skirt by Teri Jon
$107.95 at nordstrom.com

I'm gonna have to borrow that

2008-02-27T12:00:00.006-05:00

It was seven years ago this past Sunday when a then more Angelina Angelina Jolie snubbed Oscar's evening gown tradition and stole one of the night's top style slots with her unexpected white Dolce & Gabbana tuxedo and slicked back chignon.

Now, I don't much remember the acrylic French tips or Uncle Eddie slip-ons, but I choose to chalk those egads up to a combination of just having left the '90s and Miss Thing probably kicking off her heels in the limo during her and Billy Bob's "good luck" ritual only to accidentally grab his albino eelskin kicks by mistake on her way out.

But anyway, back to that unorthodox red carpet selection we were discussing...

I loved it then, I love it now, and I really love that at an Oscar after-party this year, Sharon Stone took a day off from torturing the people at PETA (rat paw brooches don't count, right?) to honor a look we see far too infrequently on the red carpet.

As I've professed too many times to link you to, whether it be January or June, Tuesday afternoon or Saturday night, with my parents in Michigan or out with my ladies in the District, I am a skirt and dress only kinda girl. Aside from the three pairs of jeans in red, black and blue hanging neatly in the back of my closet that are liberated really only when the dry-cleaning schedule and my wardrobe rotation hit an unforeseen snag, the only two-legged items in my non-workout wardrobe are the many, many pairs of opaque tights clogging the top three drawers of my poor, dickered dresser.

You'll share in my surprise, then, when I discovered that the singular trend, color, collection, piece or person that has most influenced me this past month was none other than the dramatic dress trouser (DDT).

To be honest, the reason why I spent the majority of my shopping time in New York two weekends ago fruitlessly trying on pair after pair of high-waisted black tuxedo trousers is more rooted in my being attracted to the drama a DDT entrance offers its wearer than anything else.

I know, I know, many of you are probably reading this and thinking, "Wow, dress pants. That's exciting," but believe me when I tell you how rare it is to find a woman, celebrity or otherwise, who is willing to go this route in a formal situation. Rarer still is to find one who does so and executes it well. Designers and boutique owners recognize this reticence among women and design and stock accordingly each season. I didn't draw up metrics on this, but I'm confident in asserting that after clicking through nearly every designer's most recent RTW collection and squinting through every "Look of the Day" thumbnail from InStyle from today back through last July, there is at most one pair of black-tie worthy dress trousers for every 15-20 similarly formal gowns.

These odds don't mean, however, any woman wearing any ol' pair of black pants at a formal event is destined to make it into the ranks of the best-dressed simply by virtue of her having taken a risk. In fact, in my opinion, it is much more difficult to assemble a great outfit of this sort than it is to choose a great dress. With the former, one has to worry about the blouse and/or jacket, the super tall heel (don't even think about wearing flats here) and choosing an equally dramatic hair and makeup palette around which the final product will be tied. With a dress, really what it comes down to for most women is (1) is it pretty? (2) is it comfortable? and (3) will it make me look thinner?

After summoning the courage to set the skirt aside at the next social function on your calendar, the first challenge is to find the right pair of DDTs, a task I now know is a whole lot easier in theory than it is in practice. If you're an online shopper like I almost exclusively am, the process becomes frustrating fast. Typical mid-priced dress trouser haunts like J. Crew, Banana Republic and Club Monaco are much more often misses than hits because nothing in their inventories qualifies as anything dressier than office-wear. Your best bet to find the cuts and fabrics meant for fancy evenings out are in boutiques, department stores and high-end vintage stores. If money were no object, I'd shoo you over to Relish in Cady's Alley or Nordstrom in Tysons Galleria.

In my current recuperative state, I don't foresee any opportunity in the near future to debut the dress trousers of my (adjusted for financial situation) dreams, which is probably a good thing, considering I haven't cut enough budget corners in the past two months to appropriate them.

In the meantime, if I might tempt some of you into ditching the cocktail dress you planned to wear to your next best friend's wedding for something a bit more unconventional...

Oscar de la Renta RTW
Fall 2008
Barbara Tfank RTW
Spring 2008
Bill Blass RTW
Spring 2008

Givenchy Haute Couture
Spring 2008
Charlize Theron
Hedi Slimane for Dior Homme

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-26T16:43:00.002-05:00

Raw silk three-button bolero by Akris Punto
$895 at saks.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-26T16:43:00.000-05:00

Short-sleeve cropped jacket by Top Shop
£35 at topshop.com

Still down for the count...

2008-02-24T23:48:00.008-05:00

Despite yesterday's feeble attempts at existing, I am sorry to report I am still quite near the precipice of death and thus won't be joining you today or probably even tomorrow for our regularly schedule blog posts.

For serious, if you don't believe me, ask any one of my friends who had the displeasure of hearing the emphysema-plus-bronchitis-plus-Demi-Moore tenor of my voice at any point during the past 96 hours.

Not pretty.

Anyhoo, enough about me (and that means no more text messages with photos of my thermometer under self-pitying subject headings like "boo :-("), while I'm away please to check out all the prettiness going on in Paris this week and the links at right I've labeled "inspiring irreverence" -- particularly the most recent addition, an often witty, always spot-on, brand new blog plainly named, "Stuff White People Like."

I laughed particularly hard at numbers 28, 47 and 63.

Oh, and number 20, of course. So true!

A final tip of the hat to Jon Stewart's only funny quip of the Oscar broadcast -- his deadpan-delivered praise of Cate Blanchett, an actress whose range is so wide, he waxed, she even played the role of the pitbull that attacked Josh Brolin in No Country For Old Men.

Funny stuff.

staying away for real this time,
Johanna

The good, the bad, the where-the-hell-are-they?

2008-02-24T20:02:00.016-05:00

Waiting (im)patiently for photographs to emerge online, but for sure, my favorites, not so favorites and biggest question marks (so far) of the night, include:

Good
(1) Portia de Rossi in a nude, perfectly draped Lanvin confection (at an after-party)
(2) Rosamund Pike in a one-shouldered, butter-hued Roland Mouret column gown
(3) Keri Russell in a nude, very structured, strapless Nina Ricci dress (the ball-gown bottom overlooked because of those tremendous shoulders!)

Bad
(1) Sarah Larson in the pastel floral Valentino gown Shania Twain almost wore in the "You've got a way" video
(2) Cameron Diaz, ponytailed and tan-lined, in a very wrinkled strapless Dior gown
(3) Daniel Day Lewis' wife in...(gape mouthed)...uh...I'm not quite sure... (her dress later identified as Christian Lacroix Haute Couture)

Where the hell are they?
(1) Penelope Cruz (found! she arrived late in a black, feathery strapless Chanel number!)
(2) Nicole Kidman (found! she also arrived late in black but with straps and an ice storm around her neck)

Hair
(1) Best: Jennifer Garner (sideswept, asymmetric shy-eye bangs -- an unfussy up-'do)
(2) Worst: Katherine Heigl (think the 'body wave' all our Moms sported in the '80s)

Love the neckline, "eh" on the rest

2008-02-24T18:58:00.008-05:00

Debuting what looks to be the color of the evening, Ms. Heidi Klum goes Texas pageant big on the red carpet with this one-of-a-kind John Galliano designed gown.

Not loving the hair (too Winehouse) and not loving much from the waist-down (too Beyoncé), but honestly, this woman is one of the few who could walk around in Uggs and a denim mini and still look charming.

If I could, I would pare the four bolts of expanding red taffeta down to one and a half - enough for a slim-fit cut that hits just past the knees, offering the very in-shape Mommy of three a still very sophisticated, still very eye-catching, yet markedly less Alexis-Carrington-at-a-Christmas-gala silhouette.

Oooh, I see that Hannah Montana has finally arrived! Let's hope she channeled age appropriateness!

This is what we call a "warm-up"

2008-02-24T15:10:00.012-05:00

Let me be clear, no matter what I'm about to say during the outfit deconstruction of ASJiNE favorite Sienna Miller at the Independent Spirit Awards in Santa Monica last night, I am over the moon to have seen this recently elusive London doll make it onto the traditional Oscar Eve blue carpet.

Relieved is more like it, actually.

I do love myself a good indie flick -it's no coincidence I live within walking distance of here- but it's not Miller's "Interview" nod or her appearance therefor that lured me out of my den of sick and got me typing. Believe it or not, it's not even her could it be any more me? textured halter-neck Monique Lhuillier LBD, her sunny glow or her fresh, nothing-but-mascara (looking) makeup palette.

No, what's really got my still seriously feverish body all a-gleeful is that one of my non-Oscar-nominated, non-Oscar-presenting style stars is in the vicinity of Hollywood the night before O-Day.

In other words, here is the evidence I need to be assured that later on tonight, I'll for sure see Ms. Miller walk the real Hollywood carpet, the one that shares the shade of Marilyn's pout, Rita's locks and Vivian's dress.

As for Sienna's overall look here, I'm not such a big fan. To begin, the dress is a size too big, and not just in one or two alter-able regions but everywhere. Then there's the clutch, whose combination of seafoam and alligator smacks of Mommy-dress-up to me. And the ankle-strap pumps? Upmarket though they surely are, they seem awfully dated, more than a tad too boardroom, and just plain ol' mismatched for a flirty, Chantilly-overlay cocktail frock.

All that aside, the most frustrating and unforgivable offense is Sienna's violation of the cardinal rule of the showpiece neckline with those unruly, undone beach waves of hers.

If the strep throat demons hadn't stripped me of my voice, you better believe I'd be more than mouthing, "PULL IT BACK!" at my screen right now.

For more snaps of Sienna in her pretty but ill-fitted dress, Working Girl shoes, Easter sermon clutch and disrespectful hair at the IFC Awards, see below:

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-23T20:17:00.000-05:00

High-waisted trousers by 3.1 Phillip Lim
$318 at shopamiami.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-23T20:16:00.001-05:00

City-fit wool-stretch trousers by J. Crew
$145 at jcrew.com

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-22T20:49:00.002-05:00

Medim 'Heloise' lambskin satchel by Chloé
€1095 at luisaviaroma.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-22T20:46:00.000-05:00

Ruched vinyl tote by Simply Vera, Vera Wang
$99 at kohls.com

Dangblasted shoddy $20 Kroger flu shot!

2008-02-22T09:54:00.002-05:00

(I call this look, "Every side is my good side, Mr. Oscar")

My fewer than five hours of sleep a night streak, refusal to recognize the merits of a Winter-appropriate sleeve length and tights-are-tantamount-to-trousers attitude have finally caught up with me.

Every sick symptom you can think of, I've got it and I've got it bad.

I tried to analyze through the fever and wit my way through the chills, but after an hour of writing the flattest and most flat-out tedious comparison between the ultimate work pump and the ultimate older man, I had no choice but to admit defeat and trade my Indian-style sit and MacBook Pro for a couch crash and "Entrapment" on HBO.

A girl's gotta rest for the three plus hours of real-time blogging during her absolute favorite event of the year, don't you know.

So unfortunately for me, I have to spend an entire Friday (and likely tomorrow, too) in oversized sweats drinking tea instead of coffee and wanting so very badly to exercise but knowing if I tried I'd end up teeth first into the treadmill belt.

But fortunately for you -or for those of you who come here because you actually enjoy me- the nice editor Em over at DC Goodwill Fashionista has chosen today as the day to post my 'Blog the Blogger' profile, so if you want to read my answers to her "soon-to-be Famous Five (plus one)" questions, click on over to her stylish slice of the Interwebs here and check it out.

sleep long and well, ditch the sleeveless dresses 'til Spring and give pants a try,
Johanna

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-21T19:55:00.002-05:00

'Luzia' slash-pocket wool coat by Mackage
$550 at ssense.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-21T19:51:00.001-05:00

Donegal tweed walking coat by Guess?
unfortunately, this item is no longer available online

Eye candy of the week

2008-02-21T08:07:00.004-05:00

She may drink her own breast milk and be the kind to leave a Post-It in her friend's apartment reminding her to recycle, but with her asymmetrically shaved pixie and super lean runway frame, 24 year old Claire from NYC was the easy choice to be my prized pony for this, the tenth (!) installment of "America's Next Top Model."

Here, a video introduction:

It's so true what they say about typecasting. Luke Perry and Jennie Garth have grown up, gotten married, raised children, ridden bulls and danced the cha-cha-cha, but try as I may, these two together, even at some random event called "Chevy Rocks!", will always make me think first and foremost of Kelly's face after Brenda skewered her (in front of Dylan!) with the classic, "I was always taught that if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck…"

HRL, take note, Rihanna at last night's Brit Awards is your eye makeup blueprint for my "Jumpsuit Mandatory" birthday celebration. Tick tock, woman, get to practicing!

After enduring four straight days of not being able to avoid Lindsay Lohan's painfully unsexy attempt at recreating Marilyn's "Last Sitting" (not to mention her mother's insufferable interviews pertaining thereto), I've come up with an idea.

How about we take this young curvy thing here...
And make some Jayne Mansfield magic?
My favorite photo of Scott's this week captured all that I love about a well-dressed man: fitted, formal, polished and neat. The yellow accent of eccentricity, the silvery tousle and the Gucci boutique backdrop certainly don't hurt, either...

After I figure out the genesis behind Tommaso Aquilano and Roberto Rimondi's decision to anoint themselves "6267," I'm going to place at the tippy top of my wishlist their breathtaking take on the perfect formal showpiece coat.Or at least let it share top billing with this front-draped, skinny-cinched Bottega Veneta sheath...
...and this tiered one-sleeve Marni blouse peeking out from under this structured coat, which, if there's room, I might slide somewhere else in my top 10.
I know presidential politics are and should be rooted in substance, but let's suspend reason for a second and imagine how cool it would be if our First Family looked like this instead of this?

My ticket on the Megan Fox Express has long since expired -she's just too one-dimensional is what it comes down to- but holy wow, that's one hard to miss rib tatt she's got there. I don't really care what it says (if you do, click here), I'm just in awe of a woman with that little protective fat who chose the most painful part of the body on which to have a needle create not just a small fairy or the Chinese character for "serenity" but something of the that-must've-taken-a-good-45-minutes variety. Color me impressed, MegFo.

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-20T20:33:00.000-05:00

Satin bow platform runway pumps by Chanel
$1,050 in Chanel stores only

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-20T20:29:00.002-05:00

Bow-back satin stiletto pumps by Asos
£20 at asos.com

The other side of Volvo-style

2008-02-20T09:01:00.006-05:00

For parents who always expounded the virtues of not just proper grammar but beautifully constructed proper grammar, my Mother and Father sure did stick me with one hell of pronunciation pickle when it comes to my given name and the nickname by which I was exclusively known until the age of 24 when my graduate school adviser advised me to "select" something else.

"Anything else," I believe he put it.

But well before I arrived at that rather humbling moment, it was at the tender age of eight when I confronted the more tell it like it is half of my parental unit using my already seasoned brand of passive-aggressiveness for advice on how to remedy the frustration that was my constantly mispronounced names:

"Dad..."

"Mmmhmm?"

"Can I ask you something? It's important."

"Of course, what is it?"

"How would you say the word, 't-a-n-n-i-n-g'?"

"The word, what? Uh...tanning. Why?"

"How would you say, 'p-i-n-n-e-d'?"

"Pinned."

"What about, 'r-u-n-n...'"

"Is there a point to this exercise, Johanna, and if so, are we nearing it? I have exams to grade and..."

"The point, Dad, is that I don't understand why the second syllable of my given name and the first syllable of my nickname are pronounced with a short 'o' when every other word with that vowel/consonant arrangement has taught me to use a short 'a'."

(turning away from his desk and toward me, lowering his bifocals, smiling)

"Good grief, you. I've created a monster."

What does this dilemma -one for which a satisfying resolution wasn't reached until my teenage years when I finally discovered "Johanna" and "Hannie" were originally assigned to me with traditional German pronunciations and thus not meant to be held to the same phonetic rules as their American counterparts- have to do with what happened to me at the airport on Monday or the Volvo-style epiphany to which I alluded in yesterday's post?

Plenty, actually.

Due to my parents' insistence I assume a name with an affectation unnatural to those in this country, people will more likely get my name wrong than right. Over time, I've trained myself to let the "Joannas," the "Johannahs" and the "Hannees" slide right by, correcting only those with whom I knew I would have a close and continuing relationship and being sure to do so in an almost self-deprecating manner so as to preempt any unnecessary apologies that might follow.

Likewise, now that my hair is at a length more commonly associated with the opposite sex, people are much more likely to misidentify my gender. Big deal. Sunday was not the first time, and I don't expect it will be the last. As with the name situation, I don't see any real benefit to my raising the issue with the Dereks of the world other than to boost my own sense of "I'm right/you're wrong"-edness, which frankly, by the end of the day, smacks more of pathetic than victorious.

And now, finally, the epiphany.

In the past two months, I've had encounters with three women, all of these women extremely well-intentioned and all of them brazen enough to approach me, a complete stranger, at a party, on the street and in a department store for no other reason than to pay me an "I love your _____" compliment.

But the thing was, unlike the majority of admirers who offer their "I love your _____" praise and move on, this trio of women took their liking of my shoes, bracelet and coat a step further by unknowingly misidentifying them as items they just plain weren't.

And let me be clear, when I say misidentify, I mean really, really misidentify.

If you'll recall, a woman with something I like to call "Volvo-style" is a woman who dresses no less luxe than her Lamborghini lot-mate but does so in a much less overt, much less attention-whoring manner; she's the one in Jil Sander and Calvin Klein, not Cavalli and Fendi. Not surprisingly, I aspire to the idea of the former, and up until a couple of months ago when I had my first of the three aforementioned interactions, I thought I had been well on my way.

Thought would be the operative word.

I was wrong, for a Volvo woman, I have come to realize, is much more than just her sleek paint job and minimalist high-end stereo system, she is also the embodiment of fashion humility, someone who, even when given a gift-wrapped opportunity to sit alone atop braggart butte prefers the view down below where she can comfortably mingle with all models and makes. She owns a room gradually, quietly, more effectively.

A Volvo woman is the type who, when asked by an unobservant but awfully sweet woman at a formal event if she, too, purchased her "awesome" patent leather pumps at Ross for $29.99 would smile and either falsely acknowledge she had, or if white lies aren't her thing, avoid the question altogether by offering up a compliment on what a fantastic bargain her new acquaintance had found in her admittedly "very similar" shoes.

She would not, however, scrunch her face into a mess of hurt, insult and fury, and without thinking, launch into a story of how she'd bought her MARNI pumps at SAKS and how they'd been her SPLURGE of the Christmas season and how even though they were EXPENSIVE what was the point of owning well-made DESIGNER SHOES if one didn't wear them out every chance one got?

Believe me, no sooner had the words tumbled out of my mouth than I was looking for a hiding spot and an Opus Dei cilice. I might've been wearing a simple black dress with small onyx studs but my outburst made me feel as tacky, overaccessorized and logo-emblazoned as Eve circa 2002.

The subsequent interactions concerning my bracelet and Winter coat were not nearly as regretful as the one with my shoes, but all three incidents forced me to recognize I'm very much a Volvo in training at this point, because even though it may not be overt, it may not be exclusive and it may not be frequent, there is no denying I still flush with misguided pride over the enhanced status wearing a higher quality bit or bauble affords me.

In sum, I've let my dentist call me "Joanna" for years, and I laugh it off when airport security mistakes me for a man; it's only fitting the next time a nice stranger calls my ____ "awesome" and compares their ____ to mine -whether there is or isn't a several hundred dollar difference between the two- I will be much more careful not to let the little bit of Lamborghini I have inside of me creep its way down the driveway again.

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-19T19:35:00.002-05:00

Snakeskin lamé skirt by Yves Saint Laurent
$1,550 at ysl.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-19T19:31:00.002-05:00

Pencil box skirt by Twinkle by Wenlan
$99 at revolveclothing.com

Forgive me.

2008-02-19T18:09:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow, the follow-up. I promise.

Until then...

"Have a nice flight, sir."

2008-02-19T08:00:00.003-05:00

Forget that my naturally long lashes were painted twice over with Cover Girl 'Marathon' mascara in "very black".

Forget that I was wearing a cropped bomber and fitted -fitted verging on tight- straight-leg jeans, the combination of which unmistakably outlined my waist-to-hips contour.

Forget that the timbre of my voice is consistently described as somewhere between "sweet" and "girlish."

Forget that I had on my feet and dangling off my forearm a pair of patent leather four inchers and a black leather tote, respectively.

In truth, what stunned me most about my being addressed as a "sir" yesterday was not that the screener -a young man who, given his position as the first line of airport security presumably had no serious vision impairments- had in his possession a driver's license that not only informed him of my first name but also included a 2005 photo from when I was in the thick of my 'Nicole Richie long bob' phase and still thought I looked sufficiently unfeminine to warrant a male assignation, but rather my reaction to his mistake.

I honestly didn't care. My feelings weren't hurt. I had no desire to correct him.

In fact, my first reactions upon hearing these five words were to tilt my head ever so slightly, look this boyish twenty-something squarely in his blue eyes, smile, and say, "Thanks, I will."

Check back later today for the Volvo style epiphany that came to me as a result of my interaction with Derek the Dayton Airport security screener.

*to those who identified the 1985 movie from which the above film still was taken, you've earned my utmost respect

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-18T22:43:00.000-05:00

Casual silk scoop tee by James Perse
$235 at standardstyle.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-18T22:41:00.001-05:00

Casual semi-sheer tee by James Perse
$22 at shopbop.com

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-18T10:14:00.001-05:00

Dress with contrast back by Antonio Berardi
£575 at brownsfashion.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-18T10:11:00.001-05:00

Sleeveless stretch shirtdress by Calvin Klein
$128 at dillards.com

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-17T00:14:00.002-05:00

Quilted box clutch with chain by Erva
$431 at shopbop.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-17T00:12:00.001-05:00

Corsage ruched leather clutch by Asos
£15 at asos.com

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-16T12:58:00.001-05:00

'7611' flat boot by Sigerson Morrison
$698.95 at zappos.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-16T12:56:00.001-05:00

'Cin Cin' flat leather walking boot by Matiko
$215 at couturecandy.com

How I wish I could've pressed 'pause'

2008-02-15T08:20:00.009-05:00

I intentionally left work a little earlier than usual last night.

My 5pm exit didn't have anything to do with needed prep time for a 'special someone' dinner reservation or at-home hydrating before a 'single and so okay with it' happy hour.

No, I left when I did yesterday because of you, or rather because of what many of you have been saying about my lack of DC-centric posting lately. After the dozenth or so "you've lost your direction" public profession, I thought I'd give myself some fresh air, say "hello" to Josh manning the door at Camelot and perhaps pick up a confidence-boosting smile or two.

Before I even took my sweet Valentine time, strolling on L for a couple of blocks, then shifting over to K and finally back to M, I had already identified the singular and specific reason for the paucity of this blog's bread and butter bitchiness in recent weeks.

Put simply, DC women have been looking much better lately.

True, I'm taking fewer lunch breaks and keeping my head in a more to-the-body tuck to avoid another season of "naturally" bronzed cheeks, but from what I've seen -or in some respects, not seen- during the 20 minutes or so of daylight I take in each morning, there aren't nearly as many major offenses walking the ConnAve corridor as there were last year at this time.

No new ones, anyway.

Honestly, how many times and in how many different ways can a girl berate her city's female professional population for walking the weekday streets in the same strappy evenings sandals, boxy poly-blend button-downs and denim skirts?

I'm not implying I've reached the end of my creative rope, not in the least, but that of which I am patently sure is how I work best, and that has everything to do with inspiration -- feeling it, being driven by it and producing persuasive pieces as a result of it.

For the first time during my young tenure as a blogger, I haven't felt very inspired by what I've seen on these sidewalks. There's been nothing particularly good nor bad, just a whole lot of hovering around the status-quo, which in itself could be fodder for an interesting post, I suppose, but call me nutty, I found my insights from what I saw at The Coterie and the prettiness of New York Fashion Week welcome breaks from the doldrums of rehashed 'DC dont's' of posts past.

So yesterday, a bit disheartened, I set out for a walk with no destination, no timetable and no real purpose other than to soak in the view and like I said, to offer Josh his daily greeting.

As I stepped from carpet to concrete and realized it was much milder than I anticipated (thank goodness, as I'd forgotten my gloves), I saw almost immediately a highly abnormal level of fabulousness going on in front of me.

"What in the world...," I thought to myself as not one, not two, not three but four consecutive women in slim, leg-baring black skirts (or dresses?), tasteful high heels and perfectly tailored showpiece coats -one each in red, ivory, black and camel- whizzed by me in a frenzied click-click-click sprint.

One of them, I do believe, was even rocking the sheer black hose with sexy back-seaming.

Before I could process what it was I'd just witnessed, another chic treat in a navy military-style wool trench, side-tipped Dita-style hat and these precious Marc by Marc Jacobs peep-toe pumps nearly sideswiped me by the CVS at ConnAve and L. And no sooner had she passed did two others emerge -one with flawless Hillary eyes and the other wearing that metallic Alice+Olivia party topper I so coveted but could never find in my size- by the flower stand outside Farragut North's K Street exit.

As this last one rushed past me, I happened to catch a few seconds of her phone conversation, and suddenly, it all made sense.

"I can't talk now, Janelle, I've got to get his present, wrap it, pick through all the shit cards that are left at Border's, find something that isn't totally lame, write something that isn't totally lame, and get to Citronelle by 6:15..."

It may not mean a style revolution is nigh, it may not mean that these women who looked so tremendous in their dressy garb won't fall victim to an unfortunate polo-and-khakis Casual Friday uniform today, but I gotta tell you, there was a reason why my 15 minute walk home clocked in at triple that time last night.

Because of you, gussied up DC women, my wanting inspiration got the adrenaline injection it so sorely needed.

I just hope the feeling you all had of knowing you were the prettiest girl in the room and realizing that the confidence you summoned through that great dress, that fancy hat, that sexy kohled eye or that special pair of shoes doesn't have to be a once annual experience.

And on that note, have a great long weekend.

best,
Johanna

p.s. the red suede Marchesa dress with rose-bunch shoulders pictured at top is what I would have worn last night had I been able to locate that direct easy-button transport into Georgina Chapman's life...damn, where did I put that?

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-14T19:52:00.001-05:00

Stretch button-down blouse by Zac Posen
$650 at eluxury.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-14T19:49:00.000-05:00

Peter Pan collared pinspot top by Top Shop
£25 at topshop.com

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-13T22:26:00.001-05:00

18K gold and black snakeskin cuff by Hermès
$850 at resurrectionvintage.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-13T22:24:00.003-05:00

Long band resin bangle by Dinosaur Designs
$95 at dinosaurdesigns.com.au

The Coterie: testing the limits of texturing

2008-02-13T08:17:00.011-05:00

The unofficial test for whether an item of clothing deserves to make the jump from the store shelf to my closet's shelf is that it has to strike me immediately and it has to strike me hard.

Occasionally, that must-have-it jolt comes in the form of a vibrant color or dramatic silhouette, other times I find it in the form of a unique sleeve, but most often, what most consistently draws me in and won't let me go is when I come across a skirt, blouse, jacket or dress whose showpiece nature is defined by its well-executed texturing.

Unlike a color or a cut, texturing, when done well and done tastefully, can make the difference between a dress that, at first blush, looks ho-hum and status-quo but upon closer inspection reveals the kind of detailing that makes its wearer feel as if she's walking around in a one-of-a-kind.

A textured shoulder will be the detail that separates your simple black sheath from the sea of other simple black sheaths in your office; a Winter coat that incorporates one type of texturing along the hem and another down the back is what will earn you -not the many J. Crew peacoaters- all those on-the-street "Oh my God, your coat is so cute!" compliments; a textured neckline is the distinguishing feature that makes the Stella & Jamie LLJ pictured above miles more memorable than its boring, boxy Wilson's counterpart.

I love texturing. Always have. But what I saw on Monday in nearly every designer's Fall/Winter '08 collection challenged my longstanding allegiance toward all cuts simple and sophisticated.

For what I saw was not just a textured back or a textured hem but rather a textured back and a textured hem and a textured neck, and across the bodice, a multitude of pleats, drapes, overlays, pintucks and dramatic interruptions of each of these with other pleats, drapes, overlays and pintucks.

During my run last night, I spent the entire hour -and thus missed the first half of "The Biggest Loser," despite its being directly in front of my face- dismissing ideas of what to call this particular trend.

Ultimately, I just went for the obvious -- texture upon texture (upon texture).

Enjoy.

Roping, ruching, and rolling at the neck
Jill Stuart

Cashmere blouson sleeves meet a series of grosgrain and satin overlays on the left,
silk crepe swathed in pleated mesh, cinched by canvas and leather on the right
Mint by Jodi Arnold

Lurex shoulders and dramatic jersey draping drawn in by a bow-shaped cummerbund
Julie Haus
Mesh-winged matte silk pleats buoyed by darted taffeta and bifurcated by velvet.
I want. I reeeeally want.
Bensoni

A veritable buffet of texturing, from tight blocks of ruching at the neck and hem, to a sprawling effect across the shoulders, to thin, longitudinal pleats on the bodice, to simple draping down the skirt
Iódice

This dress was on the short list for favorite item of the entire show, an honor earned more for its back than its front -- simply stunning.

Black mesh collides with ivory quilting collides with neon leather -- an '80s explosion!
Single Dress

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-12T20:36:00.001-05:00

Silk bow-topped pleated jumpsuit by Thread
$575 at shopjake.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-12T20:33:00.000-05:00

Jumpsuit by Karen Zambos Vintage Couture
unfortunately, this item no longer available online

Perfect for a 'morning after'

2008-02-12T19:05:00.001-05:00

There are only a few things in life that bring me more joy than an unexpected and significant discount on an item I've long wanted but whose acquisition I could never really justify.

Pedigree commercials with happy endings, making it through the day without snagging my tights, catching "Serendipity" on TBS -- you know, the special stuff.

If you're like I am and have a few somethings you've been eyeing over at Active Endeavors recently, maybe a few items a wee bit outside your price range or that fall too squarely in the "I don't really need it" category, take advantage of ASJiNE's first personalized promotional code* -aptly named, 'noexcuse'- and go get one of 'em for 20% off its regular price!

Last year, my girl L got herself a Minkoff 'morning after' for Valentine's Day, and from what I hear, they're not just still going strong, they're inseparable.

So many relationships fail these days -- I see no reason why we shouldn't invest in something that offers up a more reliable return, especially when there is a whimsically-printed silk lining and $120 discount involved.

Happy shopping!

*the 'noexcuse' promotional code is good through the end of February for 20% off any regular priced merchandise

The Coterie: a structured affair

2008-02-12T08:42:00.000-05:00

So this...Got me into here:

No wait, here:

And once inside, I realized my Chocolate Factory comparison from last week may have been written with my tongue pressed a little too firmly in my cheek.

This place was, in all seriousness, a veritable wonderland for anyone who loves to talk, look, buy and breathe fashion.

I expected all along to gravitate toward ASJiNE standbys like Robert Rodriguez, Mint and Karen Zambos Vintage Couture, but as the hours ticked by and my red satin flats logged another lap, I found myself no longer looking for a familiar name on a placard but rather drawn toward uniquely-cut pieces, the majority of which, it turned out, came from a crop of brilliant, unfamiliar lines like Stella & Jamie, Erik Hart and Form.

Considering the volume of information and inspiration with which all this Coterie-ing hath filled my head, I decided it'd be better for you in terms of keeping your 'scroll finger' from developing a callus and for me in terms of not losing my mind trying to weave everything into a single cohesive post, that I break down my 180+ photos, my eight identified trends and my five newly-in-love-with designer discoveries into more manageable, one-per-day portions.

Today's focus is on a hugely popular trend I hope is here and here to stay: structure.

Enjoy.

Oh, and please, try to remember that a decent camera does not a decent photographer make.

From the stiff sleeves to the hard-pleated neckline to the giveless fabric - I found in this dress a piece of pure, structured perfection.

Ardistia*

The pretty party frock's perfect date -- a structured silk topper.
Biba

So strictly structured I half expected to find hinges -not a zipper- on its side.
Chace

No double-sided tape required on this securely stayin'-in-place kimono-sleeve dress.
Candela NYC

Even the handbags have lost their slouch
Jack Rabbit

What I imagine the Dita von Teese of the Victorian Age might have worn on her way home from work...
Mackage

Hervé Léger + Salvador Dali = strikingly structured strapless.
Iódice

The wearable-for-work version of Miu Miu's Spring '08 structured runway skirt
Chloe & Reese

And because I'm an unabashed fan of reality TV and all the people it has launched into semi-stardom, looksies at whosies I bumped into while making my way over to the Anlo booth:
So entranced by the extent of Jeffery's unique tattage -not to mention the charming contradiction of his preppy ensemble- I found it quite difficult to keep my hand steady and my celebriwhoreitis under control.

Thankfully for her and me, only LC's (ahem, underwhelming) eponymous collection was present at yesterday's show...

*unfortunately, the Ardistia representatives wouldn't allow me to take any photographs of what was hands-down my favorite collection of the entire show. So that you could still enjoy the view of one of their Mouret-inspired designs, I included an image from their website.

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-11T22:29:00.001-05:00

Tulip skirt with beaded belt by Hanii Y
$398 at chickdowntown.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-11T22:27:00.001-05:00

Sateen tulip skirt with belt by Development
$112.50 at net-a-porter.com

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-10T17:52:00.001-05:00

Square-back high-neck wool sheath by Akris
$896, in-store at Saks Fifth Avenue

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-10T17:45:00.000-05:00

'Bring me wine & roses' dress by Retro Me
$170 at starsandinfinitedarkness.com

For the more modest stripper - the 'wedding white' platform

2008-02-10T01:52:00.001-05:00

The skanky yin to my slutty yang:

McQueen lip gloss is fine and good, but...

2008-02-10T01:06:00.001-05:00

...this asymmetrically-draped Grecian style column gown from the brilliant Brit's too tiny section at Saks -a beauty I only intended to photograph but after saleswoman Maria's sweet wink and West Berlin tinted "Darling, just a taste, yes?", I swallowed hard, calculated in my head how many hours of language tutoring it would take to pay off a $5,295 pricetag and followed her into a dressing room "bigger than the Blue Banana"- just might have given me my most favorite fashion moment of my young life.

It's not just that I'm standing next to a blue-sequined shirt dress...this gown really is that stunning.

I think I actually liked the back better than the front...Draping as structured and layered as this is something you really can't find in lower-end pieces

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-10T01:04:00.001-05:00

Flower appliqué ballet flats by Miu Miu
$450 at net-a-porter.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-10T01:00:00.000-05:00

'Drew' ballet flats by Isaac Mizrahi for Target
$29.99 at target.com

You hate 'em, but I can't seem to get enough

2008-02-09T01:53:00.000-05:00

Good ruffle-age
Derek Lam

Great ruffle-age
3.1 Phillip LimOff the charts ruffle-age
Peter Som for Bill Blass

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-09T01:04:00.001-05:00

Glazed patchwork klein tote by Marc Jacobs
$1,395 at shopbop.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-09T01:00:00.001-05:00

Leather twist-lock holdall by Top Shop
£75 at topshop.com

Plans, oh how quickly they can change!

2008-02-07T16:32:00.000-05:00

Due to a few new nips and tucks to my original itinerary, I'm off to New York a few days earlier than anticipated.

I would say, "see you Tuesday!" but you know me, I'll post as frequently as I am able during my trip.

what the apple says,
Johanna

Eye candy of the week

2008-02-07T08:54:00.000-05:00

The divine Ms. Katie, here at last night's UN-hosted "Raising Malawi" fundraiser, continues to raid my fantasy closet. Her geometric McQueen sheath makes me wanna fall in love with her all over again.Two of my favorites, ScarJo and Javier, doing the Grace/Jimmy thing in the new Hollywood issue of Vanity Fair. Chloë Sevigny in Elle UK modeling a Miu Miu so lovely (and hmm, so familiar...) I barely notice the retched pootie platform action going on down below.

Ripper-offers at Zara, please to take note of Rachel Roy's metallic mustard high-waisted skirt for one of your bazillion Fall collections. I'll take one in black, burgundy and gunmetal, too, if you have time. K'thanks.

Selma, Agyness -- lookie who just joined our club!

You might call it Angela-wear, but I *adore* this rosette-trimmed capelet from Koi Suwannagate's new Fall RTW collection.

After coming across this gem of a fun frock on Resurrection's website, I may have to make my way over to Mott St. while I'm in Manhattan this weekend...

Good to know even married supermodels have to walk off Saturday night shame now and again...

Ms. Teese upping the ante on stylish travel-wear. You say impractical, I say blueprint for next Friday's 6:05pm flight.

Rafaello's 'Lachey Way' aside, I plumb adore this long-time couple. I can only hope to one day find a man who looks this interested at a Fetherston fashion show...

I also adore this one on her own, especially when she takes a page from Ashley Olsen and pairs her breezy ballerina Marchesa dress with a slim-fitted LLJ.

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-06T22:03:00.001-05:00

Silk blouson blouse by Robert Rodriguez
$264 at eluxury.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-06T21:59:00.000-05:00

Kimono dot twisted-placket shirt by J. Crew
$78 at jcrew.com

A quick post from your desperate Editrix in between lap dances

2008-02-06T13:01:00.000-05:00

"I think it is stupid to wear stiletos to work, unless you are working as a *umm* professional dancer. For those in government, private industry, law, sales, and so on, I think it looks out of place and a little desperate. JMHO"

Normally, reader comments don't get to me.

Even the really spiteful, personal attacks that might've brought me to tears or anger months ago don't really pack a punch anymore.

But this one, excerpted above, in response to yesterday's very tongue in cheek analysis of the 'heels and sex' research has me about as riled up as I've been in months. So much so that I abandoned my half-written A-line skirt follow-up to address not so much the author -because frankly, I bet her beliefs have quite the following in DC- but more the meat of what she's actually asserting.

Now, it's unclear to me whether Ms. Anonymous used hyperbole in her comment for comedic effect or because she actually believes stilettos in "serious" offices smack of lap-dancing and desperation. Either way, what is clear is her gross generalization that all stilettos are five inches high and propped up by a translucent plastic platform and her assumption that all women who wear these shoes do so only for the effect they'll have on the men in the workplace -- at least that's how I interpreted the "desperate" bit.

I'll have Ms. Anonymous know that today, on this beautiful 70+ degree day, I'm rocking a stem-skinny four-inch grey suede stiletto peep-toe, and not once have I had the inclination to wrap myself around a chubby, depressed businessman nursing an overpriced gin and tonic or felt a desire to flaunt my lengthened legs in front of my male colleagues.

For most of us who step into stilettos day in and day out during the work week, not only do we have the common sense to select something elegant -not to mention temper our clothing, as appropriate- but the motivation behind our choice of footwear is a whole lot less complicated than you think: we just like looking thinner and feeling taller.

Unlike these women, who I think we can all agree stand before us as head-shakingly embarrassing examples of how not to dress if you want to be respected:

Sophia "Will Strip for Singles" Bush outside the Ports 1961 show

Ali "Built for the Pole" LarterAngie "Handjobs for Smack" Harmon at Carolina HerreraMandy "Whore" Moore outside the tents at Peter Som
Some skank model at the Vera Wang Lavender Label show

How to A+ the A-line

2008-02-06T08:36:00.000-05:00

Oh, the A-line...it's been such a good long time since I had one of your kind flush up against and around my lower-half.

I used to love you.

I used to write about you.

I used to wear you. A lot.

Like so many passions of days past, however, the flame of your novelty after so many years and so many wears finally flick-flick-flickered into indifference, out of which rose my newfound desire for your less housewifey, more mistressy slim-to-the-bod pencil counterpart.

But just because I'm not presently enamored with a particular look doesn't mean the rest of you shouldn't be and that I can't answer your questions pertaining thereto.

So, if you're a fan and regular wearer of the A-line but aren't sure with which above-the-waist wardrobe components to pair this cute cut for the most flattering effect, check back here later today for a few suggestions.

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-05T22:15:00.000-05:00

Cotton coat with skinny belt by Marni
£590 at brownsfashion.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-05T22:12:00.000-05:00

Stand-up collar wool coat by Kristen Blake
$118.90 at nordstrom.com

Italians and Brits claim DC women's abs weak, sex lives wanting

2008-02-05T08:09:00.000-05:00

Well, sort of.

According to an international medical expert (i.e., some urologist at the University of Verona), women who regularly wear heels at least two inches tall register significantly stronger pelvic muscles than women with the same level of daily exercise whose feet don't enjoy eight or more hours at a 15-degree (the equivalent of a two inch heel) or higher incline.

And anyone who's read a Cosmopolitan in the past decade knows good and well that a set of strong pelvic muscles is the Kegel key to unlocking that perfect, magical, lasts-all-night 'O' face.

Okay, maybe that's for the most part adolescent legend, but how about this...Harper's Bazaar UK recently polled a group of men of varying ages, races, education levels and socioeconomic backgrounds the question, "Which type of footwear makes you most want to have sex with a woman?"

Their "overwhelming" choice, according to the fashion mag, was none other than the stiletto.

Or more commonly known in these here parts as the shoe no woman wears on a weekday. For serious, on my five-block walk home yesterday evening, a walk during which I took my sweet, it's-60-degrees-outside time, I spotted nary a pair of stilettos, nor even a stacked, kitten, wedged or block heel exceeding the necessary two inches to earn a woman her wings for down there flexosity.

(shaking head)

My take on this "exciting new research" -the emphatic provided by designer Manolo Blahnik- is that even if the Italian urologist's new physiological findings turn out to be less than scientifically sound and high heels aren't in fact a reliable catalyst for better sex, why not prop ourselves up anyway to at least increase our chances of having more sex?

Of course, I'm bypassing the step that has the stiletto-wearing woman giving into the man who propositions her -and her lengthened legs- for sex, but hey, I'm single and spend my entire Tuesday counting down the hours until I can simultaneously write and watch "The Biggest Loser: Couples" with my dog -- just let me assume that's how it works.

In sum:

Stilettos --> hot legs --> aroused men --> empowered women --> sex --> good moods --> productive at work --> salary increase --> really nice stilettos --> even hotter legs --> more aroused men (and so on and so forth...)

Buy her shoes for Valentine's day, gentlemen, and you both win.

*kudos to Adam (and six other readers!) for alerting me to this article
**photo taken from The Sartorialist

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-04T19:46:00.000-05:00

Striped leather pumps by Alexander McQueen
$805 at net-a-porter.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-04T19:44:00.000-05:00

'Oaks' peep-toe pumps by Vince Camuto
$130 at piperlime.com

Holly's hair - the only redeeming thing about that show

2008-02-04T12:13:00.000-05:00

I'm seriously contemplating a change in cut after seeing "Make Me a Super Model" contestant Holly Kiser's edgy, tousled pixie:

Love the profile but not so sure about those femchops...
That sweet little swirl up front is so lovely to look at, but hmm...seems like a lot of product and just so placement might be involved Well, at least I already have one of the four fronts covered

For those of you familiar with short hair and the styling limitations thereof, do you think it's possible to attain this look without giving up asymmetric bangs, or will I need to undergo more drastic scissor surgery?

I'd like to know your opinions before my next trim on Friday, if possible.

k'thanks,
Johanna

*grainy photos courtesy of the pause-button on my Tivo

Don't care how, I WANT IT NOW!

2008-02-04T08:39:00.000-05:00

A week from yesterday, today and tomorrow, I will be in New York City wearing the equivalent of a Wonka Golden Ticket around my neck.

This accessory, which is actually a press badge not an easy-button necklace with one-click transport into Georgina Chapman's life, will not only grant me three-day admission to a fashion trade show the size of Micronesia but will also give me the opportunity to bring back to you, my readers, months in advance, a peek into the "new Autumn arrivals" displays at boutiques such as Bop, Revolve, Barney's Co-op, Muleh, Pink Mascara, La Garçonne, among others.

The event is called The Coterie, it's held at the Show Piers on the Hudson, and its list of participating vendors reads like the ultimate wishlist of ASJiNE-adored fashion lines:

Robert Rodriguez, Milly, Tracy Reese, Anlo, Diane von Furstenberg, Twelfth Street by Cynthia Vincent, Rich & Skinny, Dolce Vita, Twig, Karen Zambos Vintage Couture, Mara Hoffman, Goldenbleu, Madison Marcus, Elijah, Paul & Joe, Foley & Corinna, Alice + Olivia, Cacharel, Rebecca Minkoff, Castle Starr, Shelly Steffee -- the list literally goes on forever.

For those of you who, like myself, hadn't heard of this biannual event until very recently, its primary purpose is to serve as an in-person lookbook for personal stylists like Rachel Zoe and buyers attached to independent boutiques like Urban Chic and department stores like Neiman Marcus. Closed to the general public, The Coterie, unlike Fashion Week, is a cut to the chase, all-business atmosphere; sure, those in attendance will likely be dressed Sartorialist-cool -working on your feet 10 hours a day for 3 straight days is no excuse, after all- but I've been told on good authority to make like a fly on the wall the first two days and to just "observe," take in the well-oiled machine that is the designer-to-buyer transaction. Tuesday, the reported quiet after the stressful storm, is when I'll actually attempt to dialogue with the designers and/or their representatives to better understand the directions and influences behind their Fall/Winter collections.

And to fawn. To involuntarily and shamelessly fawn.

Why I'm taking two days leave from work, cashing in R's generous Amtrak Christmas giftcard and sleeping consecutive nights away from my life partner to attend The Coterie is threefold:

First, I want to identify with first-hand authority what the next season's trends will be from the smaller fashion lines.

Second, since I'm planning to conduct a series of post-Coterie interviews with DC-based boutiques' buyers to discuss the processes through which they "edit" their selections, I thought it important I, too, have firsthand familiarity with the collections.

And third, I just really want my Veruca Salt in the Golden Goose nursery moment.

As mature and collected as I know I'll need to be around these fashion insiders, you better believe my inner-dialogue as I walk past the new Robert Rodriguez dresses, Anlo straight-leg jeans and prim, slim, Karen Zambos blouses will look a whole lot like this:

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-03T19:55:00.000-05:00

Slim Kim skinny jean by Nudie Jeans Co.
$225 at ronherman.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-03T19:53:00.000-05:00

'Benedict Cyn' jean by Paige Premium Denim
$46.75 at standardstyle.com

Falling all over myself with the new Fall fashions

2008-02-03T13:25:00.000-05:00

It's still very early in the game, and those shows to which I'm looking most forward -namely Lanvin, Brian Reyes, Ralph Lauren and Rodarte- have yet to send their looks down the catwalk, but judging from what I've clicked through thus far on Style.com, the Fall/Winter 2008 RTW collections look to be pretty darn spectacular.

Full of muted, structured garments, leather jackets, patent detailing and lovely little bows, this season's crop almost makes me want to skip over the next eight months and go straight to September.

Here below is the best of the best so far -- enjoy.

Mini-ifying the '50s cocktail dress*
Erin Fetherston

Gauzy layering adds look-at-me dimension to a done-before dress
Douglas Hannant

Pairing simple matte with structured sheen makes basic black anything but
Alexandre HerchcovitchCovering it all up lets your outline (and the draping) steal the show*
Juan Carlos Obando

Loving an LLJ was never so easy...
Katy Rodriguez

Proving leather accents can be edgy and elegant
Katy Rodriguez

Mixing '80s geometric with modern detailing
Jeremy Laing

Harmoniously juxtaposing rough with smooth, muted with citrus
Rachel Roy

Layering slim upon slim upon slim, school-girl style
Rag & BoneFeaturing my favorite color combination for Fall
Sari Gueron

Making bows look a little less precious
United Bamboo

Taking the tunic from big and blousy to slim and structured
Vera Wang Lavender Label

Combining everything I love in one outfit: leather, ruffles, and looking like a lady*
Yigal Azrouël

*your Editrix's favorites
**all photos taken from Style.com

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-03T01:06:00.001-05:00

Black & White dress by Charles Chang-Lima
$1,000 at shopamiami.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-03T01:04:00.000-05:00

Draped dress by Crimes & Misdemeanors
$138 at frenchcornersoho.com

I'll try and act like I'm not jealous, but...

2008-02-02T10:56:00.000-05:00

...a former supermodel as your First Lady?

France, I'm normally not on your side when it comes to anything other than Fashion Week and foie gras, but this time I gotta hand it to you -- these surprise nuptials deserve a resounding "well played".

I just wonder how poor Mitt is gonna handle that first State Dinner next year. God gives one strength, I suppose, but those legs, that voice, those legs...this could get very interesting.

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-02-01T21:15:00.000-05:00

'Rita' belt by Mayle
$225 at shopbop.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-02-01T21:13:00.001-05:00

Patent leather bow belt by Kemestry
$65 at southmoonunder.com

Happy weekend - video edition

2008-02-01T19:07:00.000-05:00

While tooling around with my fancy Canon after work today, I made like Jasmine and discovered a whole new world with this precious little video camera!

Granted, since I have such limited memory, the maximum footage available to me is only about 17 seconds and thus not sufficient for much more than a "Hello, here's my puppy, here's my less-icy-than-you-were-expecting voice" intro, but after I make a quick visit to Best Buy this weekend and stock up on some more GBs, I promise to make more style-related use of this fantastic new medium.

And I also promise to work on my understanding of light and how a lack thereof can almost completely blacken out even the palest of pale Winter complexions.

So without further ado, here's my little junebug making the "I've seen cuter" commenter from Wednesday look like an asscrack while his Mother looks on and silently berates herself for wearing a ribbed workout tank in her video debut:

May-jah Friday ('80s as inspiration edition)

2008-02-01T07:50:00.000-05:00

With all the recent contention as to how worthwhile a contribution stereotypical '80s style has made to the current fashion landscape, I thought it only appropriate to dedicate today's May-jah Friday to the ten years that, in my opinion, yielded the most indulgently enjoyable music, movies and television.

And some of the most fun albeit not so universally flattering color schemes and cuts.

Inspired by one of my favorite songs, one of my all-time favorite cinematic scenes (those shoulders!) and one of my favorite groups of gorgeous cartoon sass-kittens, here is veritable proof, like it or not, that the 1980s are still very much with us.

Enjoy.

"Missing you" (John Waite)

Boyfriend blazer by Elizabeth & James
($395 at saks.com)

Rolled collar blouse by Cynthia Rowley
($275 at shopbop.com)Sleek jean by Rich & Skinny
($160 at ronherman.com)Daran peep-toe pump by L.A.M.B.
($335 at eluxury.com)

"Flashdance" (Jennifer Beals' best moment)

Bib-front top with bow by 3.1 Phillip Lim
(£245 at brownsfashion.com)
Pencil skirt by Teri Jon
($180 at nordstrom.com)'Wink & Whisper' seamed fishnets by Victoria's Secret
($15 at victoriassecret.com)
'Corta' patent pump by Christian Louboutin
($675 at saks.com)

"Truly Outrageous" (Jem & The Misfits)*

Fashion star earrings
($4.99 at shopintuition.com)Convertible tunic by Shelly Steffe
($144 at shopbop.com)

Lamé leggings by American Apparel
($40 at americanapparel.net)

Tri-color stiletto by Alessandro Dell'Acqua
($585 at shopbop.com)

*while running into someone in DC wearing this get-up would surely give me the giddies, the answer is a resounding no, I, myself, would not wear any of its components, save for those delicious Dell'Acquas.
**this marks my 1,750th post - I sincerely thank all of you for your continued readership and er, colorful commenting!

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-01-31T20:33:00.000-05:00

Prague silk-blend draped skirt by David Szeto
$765 at net-a-porter.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-01-31T20:31:00.000-05:00

Draped hidden-pocket tulip skirt by Topshop
£25 at topshop.com

Eye candy of the week

2008-01-31T12:30:00.000-05:00

What the heck, y'all seemed eager to eat all the candy last week, so I figured it'd be a good idea to pass some more out.

Enjoy.

If I were more into handbags, I'd jump for joy at finding this Kelly-style vintage bag. At only $70, even the price smacks of decades gone by...

I was recently asked who my favorite current designer was for a blogger profile, and my answer -part of it, anyway- was that, for clothing I can afford (when it's on-sale), I'm definitely all about Beth Blake and Melissa Akey for Thread Social right now. This is a look from their Spring/Summer RTW collection, and I'm already stalking TS's online vendors in anticipation of its debut.

This is the prettiest Vicky B. has looked in years. I could be wrong, but I think it may be her new wrist tatt that's responsible for her dare I say, almost friendly-looking glow...

We may have broken up after the disturbingly vacant appearances you gave during promo week for that awful movie I know you're regretting right about now, but Katie, doll, we'll always have your outfits. This one, I'm proud to say, looks awfully similar to what I put together every chilly Saturday afternoon. It has "walking 10 blocks to Penn Quarter" written all over it.

Like a soothing, drop-drop-fizz-fizz after the SAG Awards heartburn - Joy Bryant adds a touch of class to the head-shakingly bad fare on the Welcome Home Roscoe Jones red carpet.

The side view is just as good, no?

KimKar in quite possibly the ugliest swimsuit the Calypso outlet ever did sell. But for serious, who's even looking at the suit? Even Kim can't help but glance at her goodies and think, "Gotta admit, I'm a lucky, lucky lady..."

I wasn't in love with the cut of the colorblocked Calvin Klein gown Jamie-Lynn Sigler wore to the SAG Awards last Sunday, however...

...I do believe I have a new pair of shoulders to adore.

Speaking of disappointing SAG dresses, thank goodness Kate rebounded from her Harley-inspired Balmain number with this kicky cobalt Lanvin mini. *Love*.

And while we're on the topic of Lanvin, let me please lust over this pre-Fall peek at Alber's upcoming collection (photo courtesy of Ms. Spinach)

Not crazy about the embellished Herrera dress, not crazy about all the Godiva (I'm a Sunkist Fruit Gems girl) but Ali Larter, as always, is so well put-together I had no choice but to dub her a definite piece of "eye candy".

16 reasons why you shouldn't settle for a blah blouse

2008-01-31T08:08:00.000-05:00

You always talk about 'showpiece' necklines, and while I know I need to stop wearing the same boring button-up shirts and scoopneck tops week in and week out, when I'm in a store and actually searching for something, I'm always at a loss. Exactly what qualifies [as a showpiece neckline]?

I may not be qualified to offer advice on true bargain hunting.

I'm probably not the girl to whom you should come for an all-sizes-are-equally-beautiful pep talk.

And I'm definitely not fashion-forward enough to recognize (much less understand) the obvious brilliance behind the denim-n'-stars extravaganza Lagerfeld and Pilati sent down their runways in Paris last Fall.

But as John Rambo sagely imparted in First Blood and reinforced in installments two through four, one must not permit one's weaknesses -or outside reminders thereof- to detract from exercising one's strengths. He had his cross-bow, and I, well, I have the ability to identify, locate and put forth for my readers a flat-out fabulous collection of showpiece necklines.

Necklines, they're kinda what I do best.

In the office, there is far less we can do below the belt than above; the range in cut and color for professional trousers and skirts is so very narrow, and thus, I greatly encourage you to look beyond the traditional oxfords and twin-set shells to consider any one of the following 16 varieties.*

Maybe not the last one, however, as its extreme volume tests even my sky-high tolerance for frill.

Enjoy.

Petite cowl
($36.50 at asos.com)

Large cowl
($275 at net-a-porter.com)

Petite pleat
($34.99 at gap.com)

Large pleat

($330 at bergdorfgoodman.com)

Textured
($276 at chickdowntown.com)

Fancy trim

($130 at pinkmascara.com)

Overlay

($128 at activeendeavors.com)

Bateau

($89 at nordstrom.com)

Petite bow

($251 at shopbop.com)

Medium bow
($160 at revolveclothing.com)

Large bow
($228 at saks.com)
Slouchy turtleneck
($17.80 at forever21.com)

Petite neck-framing frill

($89, Club Monaco stores)

Large neck-framing frill
($276 at lisakline.com)

Down-front frill

(£25 at topshop.com)

Asymmetric down-front frill
($1,110 at neimanmarcus.com)

*remember, I'm not so much recommending the specific blouse as I am the type of neckline each blouse represents.

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-01-30T20:01:00.001-05:00

'Woman of Affairs' vintage gown by Estevez
$985 at poshvintage.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-01-30T19:59:00.000-05:00

Vintage-style party dress by Grayson Sofia
$98 at unique-vintage.com

She's out today...

2008-01-30T08:20:00.000-05:00

...but please, go right ahead and tell me my hindquarters could stand to lose a few, that my asymmetric eye-patch is painfully '80s and that the red-rimming 'round my peepers makes me look an aged three years instead of my youthful two and a half.

Go on, I dare you.

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-01-29T20:39:00.001-05:00

Dress shirt by Karen Zambos Vintage Couture
$345 at madisonloasangeles.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-01-29T20:37:00.000-05:00

Silk button-back blouse by Banana Republic
$79 at bananarepublic.com

I'm gonna have to borrow that

2008-01-29T12:32:00.000-05:00

First, a photographic introduction to the influence(s) behind why my new favorite dressy topper is an LLJ, or "little leather jacket":

Ashley, Winter 2008
Ashley, November 2007

Together with Danny Tanner, January 2007
Mary-Kate, September 2007

Together, September 2006
Together, May 2006
Together, March 2006

For those who were hoping I'd fallen off the Prim Express altogether with an admission of affection for Mary-Kate's favored Balenciaga ankle-booties, Ashley's beloved Louboutin 'Pinhead' boots, or their mutual affection for all things big and furry, I do apologize. I'm not quite there yet.

Where I am, however, is madly in love with the idea of wearing a fitted, moto-style black leather jacket on the red carpet -- or in my case, to a formal or semi-formal DC event. For the past couple of months, ever since my lone formal coat was sucked into a black abyss in a club bathroom, I've had to choose among my work coat, my more casual weekend coat, my olive trench and a host of cute but seasonably impractical jackets to top my cocktail ensembles. I know it might seem excessive to some to care so much about an item that will spend the majority of the evening on a rented hanger, but hey, that's me, I kinda want it all.

So after a couple of years of observing the twins Tanner rock this look so successfully, I finally came to a point where (a) I needed a new going-out coat (b) I found a very reasonably priced version of my ideal going-out coat and (c) I had the chutzpah to finally face the fact that there may be a little more Olsen and a little less Audrey in me than I ever wanted to admit.

Also, on a more practical note, the benefits of owning an LLJ extend far beyond just that which you'd wear on the party circuit. They look smashing with skinny jeans and flats, super chic with a high-waisted pencil skirt and pumps and even have the ability to enhance that ruffled jumpsuit you know you -and your friend to whom you've outsourced its less-expensive equivalent's search and rescue- are constantly looking for on the Interwebs.

In closing, I'd like to thank you, Mary-Kate and Ashley, for your leather-jacket-cum-party-topper inspiration -- I hope y'all don't mind too much I'm gonna have to borrow that.

A new feature: "I'm gonna have to borrow that"

2008-01-29T08:58:00.000-05:00

Prompted by reader Angelina's suggestion that I include in my ASJiNE repertoire an end-of-the-month feature in which I highlight the item I've coveted more than any other during the previous 27 to 30 days, I give you just that -- but with an eensy tweak.

Instead of simply placing my seal of approval on this pair of jeans, that cool clutch or the funnel-necked leather sheath I quite literally can't stop searching for/fantasizing about, I thought a more interesting approach would instead involve writing about the genesis of that month's most notable influence, be it from a runway trend, a vintage find, a DC lawyer with an admirably avant-garde fashion sense, or in this month's case, a celebrity.

Or two, rather.

Check back later today for my first "I'm gonna have to borrow that" installment to see what finally convinced me to think of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen less as the crazy cat-women in waiting I'd always assumed they were and more as two cool chicks with two very unique, often sophisticated and always chance-taking senses of style.

And no, (eye roll) their bony chests will not be the featured subject.

If I had a sugar daddy...

2008-01-28T20:12:00.000-05:00

Iconic luxe 'Antonia' satchel by Zac Posen
$1,200 at neimanmarcus.com

Since I don't (yet)

2008-01-28T19:31:00.000-05:00

'Sloan Peterson' tote by Urban Expressions
$49 at baghaus.com

There has to be an Oscar ceremony, there just has to be

2008-01-28T12:48:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, but what I witnessed walking down the SAG Awards red carpet last night did nothing for me.

Well, not nothing but pretty darn close to it.

My feeling is, if we're expected to endure Giuliana and Debbie's highly sycophantic, over-the-top "You look amaaaazing, girl -- how you keep yo'self so teeny-tiny?" interviews with some of the most annoying women in the industry -namely Eva Longoria(-Parker), Amanda Bynes and Nikki Blonsky- I better be able to de-numb my senses with some gorgeous gowns, sky-high stilettos and sparkly four-figure box clutches.

What I'm saying is, fantasizing about Javier Bardem, Viggo Mortensen, Josh Brolin and James Gandolfini -separately and collectively, I admit- should not have been the highlight of my pre-show.

Here below you'll find the two dresses that made me shake my head the least, the five that made me shake my head the most and the three that with a bit of tweaking could have been so much more than they were.

Keep in mind, I graded these looks in the same way all my college and graduate school professors graded my essays -- with a very generous bell-curve. In other words, someone in the sea of so-so had to get an 'A'. That's just how the system works.

Without further ado, here's what is hopefully the junior varsity version of February 24th's big game:

The Best

Marg Helgenberger in a stunning one-shouldered number*

Michelle Pfeiffer in blissfully simple Versace

The Worst

Lisa Rinna in a Cavalli-looking Jenny Packham

Jenna Fischer (braless) in Collette Dinnigan

Nikki Blonsky (Spanx-less) in IGIGI

Jane Krakowski, dress and gumball necklace by Malandrino

Chandra Wilson in sequins overload

The 'Would've been better if...'

...she'd gone up a size on top AND worn a bandeau bikini on her last vacation
Vanessa Williams in Escada

...she'd nixed the bow and chosen a less voluminous (i.e., column) skirtSandra Oh in a modern take of a Korean hanbok

...she'd left the dress un-brooched and taken the time to get a pediMarcia Cross in Monique Lhuillier

*if only she'd pulled her hair back in a low-'n-tight chignon to better show off that fantastic patent leather detailing...

SAG post on its way...

2008-01-28T12:04:00.000-05:00

For some frustrating reason, Blogspot hasn't been letting me upload images today, and surely you understand, I can't very well post a 'best of'/'worst of' red carpet piece without lots and lots of high-res, blow-up-able photos.

As if!

So please, hang tight, and hopefully, the worker bees behind Blogspot will remedy the situation soon...

best,
Johanna